Jesus and Jesus’ Son
The legions of hell were coming for Jack, the Son of the Son of God.
But they had to get through his Father first.
Jesus hovered in the air, radiating the light of God and stretching out his arms to block the way. The robotic kaiju Mecha Satan leaned over to look Jesus directly in the eye. My bones rattled with its voice.
“WE COULD CRUSH YOU, LITTLE LAMB!”
“Go ahead!” Jesus yelled, challenging the beast.
Jesus descended back down to the ground. His heavenly light dimmed as he kneeled, making himself vulnerable but no less defiant.
“Rip my body to shreds, pierce my side, and find out what happened to the last Satan to sacrifice me on its altar of hatred!”
Mecha Satan roared, raising its fists and stomping its feet in anger. All of heaven shook. Jack and I stumbled into each other’s arms, barely keeping our balance as the earth heaved around us. But Jesus stayed locked in place. With a look of determination, he turned his cheek to the monster, shut his eyes and waited.
“BAH,” Mecha Satan scoffed. “THIS ISN’T OVER!”
The technological terror of aggregated evil turned tail and stomped away in a huff. The massive fleet of hell’s flying battleships followed, becoming a black blur receding to a distant point on the horizon.
I was about to breathe a sigh of relief when Jesus stood to face us, fury in his eyes.
“This is why we DO NOT JUDGE!” Jesus yelled at his Son.
Jack said nothing. He was in shock. None of us had realized until moments ago that the man before us, a beefcake lifeguard who looked like a G.I. Joe, was actually Jack’s Dad.
Cheers erupted from the thousands of people gathered at the foot of the hill on which we stood. These were the angels of Jack—those who had been transfigured by Jack’s inherited holy light. Their celebration was cut short by Jesus, whose voice carried naturally to anyone with ears to hear.
“Go home!” Jesus commanded the crowd. “This is not your heaven!”
The cheering ceased abruptly, and I felt the psychically palpable flush of embarrassment from so many shamed at once. With murmurs of confusion, Jack’s troops boarded their ships. Jack gripped my arm tightly.
“Stay with me,” he begged. I put my arm around him.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I assured him.
“And you brought a witch in here?” Jesus shouted in disbelief as he stormed over to my husband Bob, who was curled up on the steps of the nearby church, suffering some kind of severe allergic reaction to Christian heaven.
“I’m sorry, Jesus,” Bob sobbed miserably.
Jesus offered his hand.
“Don’t let your heart be troubled,” Jesus said tenderly, helping Bob to his feet.
Bob looked at Jesus in awe as his allergies instantly cleared.
“Go with your friends for now,” Jesus said, “and do not fear for the men you love, they will return to you safely.”
Bob mouthed “I love you” at me, and I mouthed it back. He joined Jack’s remaining allies—a smattering of Greek gods and our manservant Lucifer—as they piled into Jack’s flying monstrance and took off.
“Go tend to your flock,” Jesus instructed the Archangel Urkiel. Urkiel nodded and ran into the church where the residents of this heaven were sheltering.
Jack and I were now alone with Jesus.
“What the fuck, Dad!?” Jack shouted, stepping away from my arms to confront his Father.
Jesus sighed, compassion seeping through his anger.
“Son...”
“We could have taken them!” Jack insisted. “That thing was connected to Grandpa knows how many Satans! Between us both, we could have ended this for good right here and now!”
“That’s not how it works, Son,” Jesus said sternly.
“Like hell,” Jack huffed. “That’s what you want everyone to believe, isn’t it? That there’s some kind of mystical balance that must be maintained? ‘Oh, you just don’t understand, Son, this is the best of all possible worlds! Can’t so much as swat a fly without making it worse!’”
“I never said that,” Jesus protested.
“Then I repeat: What. The. FUCK?”
“Dude,” I said, but neither were listening to me.
“It isn’t clay and stone you’re molding, Son,” Jesus lectured. “Not even the stone is stone. It’s life. It’s all alive! You can’t just pound it into the shape you want without it pounding back!”
“It pounds back anyway!” Jack shouted. “And you just let it! You let the world kick the shit out of you again and again. You’re God, Dad! Fucking ACT LIKE IT!”
“You have no idea,” Jesus said. “You want me to fight back? Fine! I have been cleaning up your messes for centuries! Every time you transfigure, that’s one more time I have to die! Actions have consequences, Son. A man has to choose. He can step up and step in to spare his loved ones from suffering. He can die so they might live. Or he can wall himself off from the world and let others bear his share of the pain. You can’t have both, kid. If doing good was easy, everyone would be doing it. If you want to make this world a better place, you’re going to have to man up!”
“I didn’t ask for this!” Jack yelled through tears.
“You think I did?” Jesus shouted. “The world was chaos when your Grandfather got here. We didn’t make it that way! Every ounce of order, every moment of happiness, everything good that happens only happens because we worked for it. We sacrificed for it. You think Satan’s so bad for living off the suffering of others? Well what do you think you’ve been doing this whole time!?”
The silence that followed was deafening. Jack stood speechless, his mouth agape, his face pale and slick with tears.
Jesus sighed. “Son...”
Jack sprinted away.
I wasn’t sure what I was feeling in that moment, but I felt I was there for a reason.
“Just tell me what you want us to do, Jesus,” I said.
“What I want is for you to love one another!” Jesus said angrily. “What I want is for you to give yourselves to each other! To understand that we are all truly one! That to lose your life for another is to save your life, because their life is yours! What I want is for you to face death without fear, to know that your soul is eternal and to ACT LIKE IT!”
I opened my mouth to say something, but the words were stuck in my throat.
His anger became a plea.
“You need to love one another like you’re in this together, because none of you are going anywhere...”
The look on my face must have said what I couldn’t. Jesus took a deep breath, shut his eyes and put his hand on his forehead.
“But I know you’re not going to,” Jesus said with resignation, “and more than anything else, I just want the people I love to be happy.”
“I’m sorry, Jesus,” I said meekly.
“It’s ok,” Jesus sighed. “I forgive you.”
We both stared silently at where Jack had disappeared among the colorful cottages of Christian heaven.
“I probably could have gone about that better,” Jesus said. “This body is ornerier than my usual—it’s why I only wear it on my day off. Would you go speak to my Son, please? He needs someone right now. And if you can...let him know that I love him.”
I looked at Jesus and nodded, then ran off to find Jack.
I found him swaying listlessly on a playground swing at the edge of town. I sat in the swing next to his and waited for him to speak.
“He never explained any of it to me, you know,” Jack said, looking at the ground. “Resurrection. Transfiguration. Whatever other powers I’ve inherited, Grandpa only knows. He just left me to figure it all out myself.”
“I didn’t know,” I said.
“And then he has the gall to make me feel guilty about it. Like, everyone else gets forgiven, but I’m supposed to suffer the way he does.”
“I don’t think that’s what he really wants,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “I think he just wants us to do our best. And you do. He knows that.”
“It’s so much worse when I get it wrong, though,” Jack said. “I feel like one of those giant robots, you know? Like, all the time. Like if I take one wrong step, I’m going to crush a hospital...or a school...”
He broke down sobbing. I stood and put my arm around him, and he buried his head in my side. We stayed like that for awhile.
“Sorry,” he said, sniffling and coming up for air. “I never wanted you to see me like this. I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”
“Don’t ever apologize for that,” I said. “I love you, Jack. I’m with you to the end.”
“I love you, too,” he said.
I sat back down on my swing, and we sat in silence some more.
“So, what should I do now?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I wish I did.”
“Well, I don’t think I should be using my powers anymore, that’s for sure,” Jack said. “I should probably close down Slack Heaven, too. Go back to living in an abandoned factory. Just you, me and Bob. We could make that work, yeah?”
“I don’t think so, dude,” I said. “I don’t think we can go backwards.”
“I don’t think I can go forward, either.”
I swung over sideways and took his hand.
“We’ll find a way, I promise,” I said. “You’re not alone in this, dude.”
“I know.”
“He really does love you,” I said. “I mean, I know he loves everyone. But I think he loves you more than anyone else. I think, if he ever had to choose between you and the entire rest of the world, the rest of the world would be fucked.”
Jack chuckled.
“Well, I guess that’s my main job, then,” he said. “Don’t make Dad choose. That’s my small part to play in saving the world. So see, I’m not totally useless.”
“Never thought you were,” I said.
We continued holding hands, watching the sun inch its way toward the horizon.
“I love him, too, you know,” Jack said.
We both gasped at the sudden sensation of relief, as if the tension had broken not just for us, but for existence itself. Jack rolled his eyes and sighed.
“I know you’re listening, Dad,” he said.
We turned to look behind us. At the top of the hill, we could barely make out the figure of a man raising his arms in an exaggerated apologetic shrug.
“C’mon,” Jack said. “We’d better go talk to him.”
Jesus was waiting for us when we got back.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Jack said.
“It’s ok, Son,” Jesus said. “I’m proud of you. I’ve always been proud of you.”
They hugged. I could hear the choir in the church singing Alleluia. It must have been time for evening Mass.
“I’m sorry I haven’t visited for Christmas,” Jack said. “I promise I’ll get my shit together and make sure I’m there this year.”
“I’d like that very much,” Jesus said.
“And maybe we can talk some more?” Jack asked. “You know, about how these powers work, and what I should be doing with them.”
“Jack, I’m sorry if you felt like I was keeping things from you,” Jesus said. “But if you want the truth, I don’t know, either. Both of us have been given gifts that neither of us really understand. I’m not even sure your Grandfather understands, honestly. It’s never been about understanding.”
“You don’t have to know how Love works,” I said quietly. “You just have to Love.”
Jesus gave me an odd look, but then nodded.
“Wise words,” he said.
“So...what am I supposed to do?” Jack asked.
“You need to make your own decisions,” Jesus said. “I know too much for words, but I’ll tell you this: I trust you, Son. You’ve got a good heart. Listen to what it says, and you’ll know what you should do.”
Jack nodded.
“I love you, Dad.”
“I love you, too, Son.”
They hugged again, then stepped back and patted each other on the shoulder twice. Jesus looked out at the setting sun.
“My time’s almost up,” he said regretfully. “Back to work. No rest for the willing.”
“It was good to see you again, Jesus,” I said.
“It was good to see you too, John,” he said, giving me a hug. I felt his perfect love.
“Actually, it’s Leif now,” I said.
“Hm,” Jesus said. “You just be sure to come along next Christmas. And bring Bob. In the meantime, send him my love. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea after what happened today.”
“I’ll let him know,” I said. “Thank you for that.”
“You two should look away now,” Jesus said. “This isn’t going to be pretty.”
Jack grabbed my hand tightly and shook his head no.
“Take care of each other, boys.”
The sun dipped below the horizon, and we heard the loud crack of a gunshot. I instinctively turned to look where it came from and saw a bro in a tacky suit and sunglasses holding a gun on the church rooftop. He ran over the peak of the rooftop and out of sight. When I looked back, Sergeant Lifeguard Jesus was lying on the ground, bleeding from his neck.
Jack looked me in the eyes and said, “Let’s go home.”
Next: The Palace of Jesus’ Son
Doing Drugs with Jesus’ Son is always free.